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November 12, 2011

There's always a good and a bad side to everything, or, more accurately, a side I like and another that I don't like about everything. And it's always totally personal. And I would switch between the two feelings and then end up getting caught in my own thoughts. For example, about forensics. I loved forensics. I mean, it's like something that helped me get into college. So I most definitely feel the need to appreciate it. I loved doing it, too. Knowing that I could do something that many other people can't; performing something that I've worked on in front of other people; being slightly good at it; and having a great team that wins at everything. It totally makes me proud. But other times, when I see people who are REALLY good at it, I feel bad for myself, because I would think, wow, I'm never gonna be that good because those people are so into it and are going to become actors and actresses and live off their talents in this. I guess I think about it that way because I was never really really really in love with it and don't have the motivation to really work hard for it. And all these people, who claim they love it so much, do they ever think about what they don't like about it? Would they give up everything for it? I feel that now, so many people would say they "love" something so very much. But how can you have the capability to love all these things equally? I can't. I always find something that I don't like about things and then it declines on my ladder of priorities. And things that keeps getting pushed away from me definitely get much less attention. But I still want to keep up with everything, you know. Like, I wanted to keep up with doing speech and debate except when I find something I find having no "use" to me, I disregard it.

I don't disregard everything that have no "use" to me though. There are friends that I find that have nothing I don't like about them. There are objects that I value dearly but they are obviously not supposed to be important. There are things that I actually enjoy and find no "bad" side to it except money, time, and others. Those cons are mostly non-personal so I always hope that I can get hands on doing it.

But all these "dislikes" about so many things, they are all so personal and I don't think anyone would ever understand why I don't like about so many things. But that's how mind is so strange. (Ok. I need a lol moment in this blog post now: taking PSYC460 next semester!!! XD I'm so learning about all these psychological shit.) There are just things that people don't like and I will never expect people to understand me on those levels. (Aka this links to steph and I's conversation about marriage and children. -.- We oh so mature.)

Something else I didn't like about forensics: there's always people that aren't really pro making negative comments about others. I mean, if you are not  good at it, make a comment and tell people it's just you, someone who don't know what they are doing, is saying this. But some people just don't care how much what they say might effect others. They really don't. Especially about judging, and sometimes at practice. Not that I'm saying I'm the best at everything and what I say is correct, because I'm not, and I wasn't even close to, but, some people just think they are. I can comment about judging because I know that a lot of the judges are really not legit. We always blame the judging, and sometimes people are like, suck it up because judging is always gonna be like this at tournaments. But I guess that's one of the reasons I quit. I feel that a lot of people are not being judged equally including me, and you are always supposed to appeal to what other people may like the best, even if those aren't really the most excellent. That's how society works most of the time. There's always judging and it's not gonna be fair most of the time. That's why I want to become a dentist, a profession that is judged fairly most of the time, based on the excellence of your skill, not on its appealing. And I truly hope that I will become great at what I will do for the rest of my life.

If I offended anyone in anyway, please go away and don't talk to me. JK. But seriously. I understand you. You just don't like me this one bit, just like I don't like many other things this one bit. I can get over it. I hope you do too.

I'm really a bad listener. In so many ways. I most definitely talk too much and will die in my own thoughts.

I always start becoming random at the end of posts. So ignore me if you will.

Another theory: life doesn't suck, it's the people in it that sucks. Agree? I don't have anyone in mind while writing this, but I feel that, many people, in general, are just so immature and ridiculous. And some people most definitely are too dramatic about life than they could possibly be. Or if they are actually dramatic like that, they need to worry just a bit about if they are really normal. Omg am I actually abnormal because everyone else seems so ridiculous to me?? OMG mind-blown. JK. It's ok if you've had a bad day due to some personal problems, but one can't possibly have roller-coaster ride mood changes during a day at a high school. I mean, what REALLY happens in a day of high school? Unless you made a 60 on a test and then turned out your teacher gave you the wrong grade (hint hint, I'm being nerdy here), or you thought your friend totally just offended you but  then turned out to be a misunderstanding. Nothing really happens in high school. -.- It's usually just some random TINY shit that people can't get over with. I've had dramatic mood-changes during a day. But I guess I never really announce to the world or blame it on the wrong people or something. Or when I do, I'm usually joking and the people that I tell this to know that I'm just being a bit dramatic. But some people are just too ridiculous. And I guess that's why I still hear people screaming in the hall way in my dorm. And then some people actually find these dramatic people really amusing and fun. WTF?

Thanks for reading if you actually came this far. You are truly a great friend, or possibly, a stalker. Bye.

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