December 11, 2011
They want too much to do with your life. And I'm like, I know you guys brought me up and still provide me with life essentials, but really? It's all out of your own wish to do these and I have nothing to do with it.
It doesn't apply to only parents. I think it's just that I don't like when people assert unnecessary power over me. Sometimes people would randomly be like, why don't you do/try this? Why didn't you do this? I'd be like, who the fuck are you? You don't even know me. It's not that I'm unwelcoming to advices or anything. But when these things are given out improperly, I see it as an advance of their power over me. This reminds me of Andy Samberg's "Man! What I look like? A charity case?" LOL. I don't need to be inferior to strangers.
And this is especially true with parents. I'm not saying that they are strangers. But their values and out views are completely different from mine and that sets us apart, like strangers. They'd be like,why didn't you work hard and get your IB diploma? And I was like, I didn't want it and don't need it, so I didn't study for it. And they would say, well, your spend all four years on it and you should have some personal goals and work hard for everything. And then they went on how I wouldn't get in med school just because I did not work hard to get my diploma. How are they related? I have no idea. I don't need your help to judge what I want and what I don't want. I can honestly say that I was a little disappointed when I didn't get it. You know, it's something that I could've gotten it as a by-product of being in this sucky school with sucky teachers. But the reason I was in this program was, I could get higher GPAs and this program makes me appear better on my apps. Believe me, there are numerous far better high schools that I could've gone to in the whole entire universe. Wasn't our school something like, below average/at risk? We may love our teachers for not giving us anything to do, but, I don't think my parents understand how BAD our teachers actually were. While all these crappiness do not matter in making my college apps look good, they definitely do not contribute to helping me to get my IB diploma. But I did not want that diploma because it doesn't have anything to do with anything. I could be a little self-pride at most. Honestly, who's gonna go around and tell people, hey! I got my IB diploma!!!! Yayyy!!! You jealous? Because people would be like, what the fuck is an IB diploma? Since we all know that I value things based on their functions, this diploma definitely has zero function to me. But Asian parents are all about, as we all know, being the bestest at everything, even in things that do not matter. And parents also simplify things and make wild assumptions. Crazy. I know. Not gonna try to go into that.
Or like, they give you unnecessary care. As my dear friend Priya said, it's best not to tell them things. I agree. It's not that they TRY to care about you (or do they?), but I think having paid so much attention on you, they unconsciously just "care" about everything about you and suddenly, something as small as not eating vegetables for a meal could become the first world problem. Fucking parents. They need to learn how to NOT care. I do believe that children also try to get parents' attention. But I pretty much feel best when I live away from them in my experience. Their care sometimes gives you extra burden to worry about. And then you have to figure out something to deal with them. Whenever I'm home, there is obviously more time of me getting annoyed by what they say. It's like, every interpersonal relationships. I see all these people getting tangled in these complicated (romantic) relationships and they'd hate each other so much. And I'm just like, then why don't you do the logical thing, by leaving them? Well, I guess I'm also kinda picky when it comes to people that I hang out with. Some slightest flaws become in the way. Maybe that's why some people thing that I always hang out with the same people? LOL. Anyway. When parents try to be caring about you, it seems to me that it always ends up being them trying to assert their value/judgment on you. And my attitude usually is: that's unnecessary.
You can see I'm not a big fan of parent-children relationships. They are too complex and love should not be the solution to all questions about it. There are always something beyond love about every relationship. Why do people have kids and do all their best to bring them up? I think at first everyone's like, kids are awesome and cute and makes your life exciting and you love them oh so much. Sure. But after a while they become burdens. And I am determined to live a free life. (But I'll never get to be truly free, I know! How sad.) And then Asian parents are like, when you are old, your children can come take care of you! Yeah. You see, there's a motif for having children other than love.
And this is not a teenager-rebellion-against-authority thing. I have the same issue with other people around me too. I love all my friends. But there are pretty much things that I don't like about most of them. But I should not try to distant myself from those "flaws" in my eyes. Some people could be like, I "love everything about you!" to everyone. And I'm just like, wow, you are really simple-minded. But yeah. Parents can be really annoying at times. And I get annoyed easier and easier now. Can't stand it when they do the same unnecessary things repeatedly.
Number one reason that I don't want kids: they are gonna write "fucking parents" on their blog posts. I would love to mold a little person exactly according to my wish, but that is inhumane. It's like, forcing your successful-ness and what you wish you could be successful at on somebody who owes nothing to you. And that is what having children seems to me. No disrespect to all parents, but, how many in the world actually are successful at it? (Not many.) And what IS successful parenting? Do successful people necessarily come from successful parenting? I believe love should not come in the way of parenting and creating proper environment for kids' maximum potential. And it is not maximum potential of "success", but more like, what they could do to have a pleasing life. And I'm never a good teacher at anything. So, whoever's gonna be my future husband, I tell ya, if you want kids, I'm not the one who's gonna try to take care of them.
This is not a rant or a hate speech. Just my opinions on some things. I may appear offensive or aggressive at times, but I guess that's partially how I write serious blog posts. & Say all you want about me. Remember what I said? I am mean, selfish, and heartless. AKA I don't care.