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December 17, 2011

I'm not getting on Facebook as often recently. Reason? Everyone's posting the same statuses as my life stories - applying for/(not) getting into colleges, or finals week/getting grades back. And seeing those statuses just reminds me of the somewhat complicated experiences that I've had in the past. I wanna say congrats to people who have been doing well, and comment on their posts and stuff, but then I realize I would get tons of notifications that I don't really need. I haven't been too attached to Facebook recently which is quite great in my opinion. I would from time to time get on and kinda get to know what's going on with people, but I don't comment as much any more. It's great to know what's up, but I feel that I'm becoming more of a not-trying-hard-to-become-involved-in-other-people's-life kind of person. Trying to do things that you maybe want to (mostly because other people do it), but wouldn't naturally do is really tiring. And doing what you like, like blogging on here and checking out fashion/make up stuff, make you feel, well, happier in general.

I'd like to keep a small friend circle because I feel that there are only a few people who truly share similar personalities with me and who I would get along perfectly. And there are the people who I want to hang out with and get to know better, but I always end up feeling that trying to hang out with those people makes me literally tired. And after a day, I would feel that I haven't really accomplished anything, while even spamming my friends make me feel happy (LOL that just sounded funny). I very much believe that life is all about doing what you want, not what society forces you to, even though most of the time, a non-conformer would not live the most "successful" life. But I believe that people who purposefully conform and become successful live a much less happy life than the former. Well, you can maybe be perfectly "normal" and don't have to "conform", but I don't think such person exists. Individuality is very important and it's most definitely NOT about trying to be different, but about being who you are. It's like, many people in college drink a lot. I think it's OK if that's what you want from the beginning. But if it's something that other people persuaded you to do, or you are trying to fit in with a group, it will most likely make you feel unhappy at the end of a day. You may be happy for a while, hanging with friends, but nothing that is "forced" on you can make you happy. I'm not advertising for under-age drinking here, and I'm not a drinker at all. But I guess I'm using it as an example of what one should or should not do. And it's quite simple.

I say follow your heart for what you like and what you want to do. You might think that I'm conflicting with how I'm usually like, super analytical when I blog seriously? But this is what I like. I feel like being super analytical with these serious blog posts and talk about life and stuff this way. I am not trying to be someone that I'm not. And that's what I call following one's heart. I honestly don't care if someone with conflicting views sees this and gets really angry or anything. Hate me all you want. Note: I started to read Got Is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens who passed away recently. I'm never really into non-fictions. But since he was such a great writer, I wanna try it, considering the fact that I'm an atheist like him. There are people who try to convert me. But if you know me, you know how I am, really, not looking for anything/anyone to "save" me. But this is a whole different story.

But then one must notice, that no one can truly be "free". I can say that I cannot NOT conform at all. I have to do it sometimes, like, I would love to try really different makeup and outfit and walk out of my dorm looking real scary. Because that will scare everyone away.  And I don't know if my friends will still love me. (LOL) But I feel that I can be free to some extent. I sometimes wear real thick brows or somewhat creative makeup and outfits in public. I can curse at my professors when no one hears me. I can give a hate-speech on people that I really really disrespect. I can have scary makeup at home when no one sees me. But I do all of them in a sorta conforming way. I mean, its also a myth to be truly free, just like to be truly "normal" - none of these exist.

I guess there isn't really a purpose for this post. But I just wanted to say, don't worry about being accepted by other people. Push the limit of "free"-ness. It will make you so much happier.

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